Pain based behaviours

Some children in our care have behaviours that families and schools find difficult, such as

• aggression
• complaining or nagging
• running away
• difficulties attending school
• hoarding or hiding food
• damaging theirs or others belongings
• sexualised behaviours
• self harm

We call these behaviours pain based or attachment seeking. They develop as a result of trauma, grief and loss. You may have heard these behaviours referred to as “attention seeking”. The common response is to withhold attention in order to discourage the behaviour. We encourage you to see children as seeking attachment and relationships and to respond by increasing attention to children and building close and caring relationships.

Children should never be punished for pain based behaviour. The CARE model provides you with a framework and support to build relationships with children, help them learn new ways of behaving and to heal from trauma.

You can read more about the CARE model here.

You can read more about trauma, grief and loss here.